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I have been so back and fourth with the idea of sharing my testimony publicly especially as the starter for this page but then I got to thinking. If you don’t like my page after this piece and choose to never come back on here then at least you heard my best and favorite message of all. If you are religious or not, I keep you all in mind when I write so please do not feel like this is not a place for you.

SO… Here it goes…

September 6, 2022 – the day I found out I had a tumor in my leg. It was one of the hardest pieces of news I had ever received, and to make it even worse, I received it alone. The second I heard the doctor tell me the results of my hip MRI, my mind went blank. I didn’t know what to say or do or feel. The only words that left my mouth without thought behind them were, “not again”. The doctor had no idea what I was talking about and asked me to explain. I told her that my brother was not even a year into his remission and I had no idea how I was going to break the news to my mom that she would have to go through this again. I felt completely blindsided and out of control. Not to say that I am a control freak or anything, but I was going into that appointment with the worst-case scenario being that I either had a fracture or some injury to the hip that would require surgery and a maximum recovery time of 6 months. My hip had been hurting for some time, but cancer was definitely nowhere near my radar of things to prepare for. I broke the news to my mom in front of the doctor, and I could hear her heart shatter through the phone. I made it through the rest of the appointment in a complete daze and total shock. Finally, I got into my car and let it all out. I cried out the worry, the fear, the pain, the exhaustion. I cried until I ran out of tears. Just when I thought I was going to start feeling sorry for myself, I felt ready. After screaming, “how could this happen?” a hundred times, a thought entered my mind: “why me?” And just as the words were about to come out of my mouth, I heard a resounding “NO” wipe them away completely. I never thought of it nor ever thought about saying it ever again. I felt strength and courage take over my body, and I broke the news in person to my teammates and roommates that same day. I ate food and let myself be comforted by others, and I never let them see me down. Many people commended me for my strength, but the thing is… that strength wasn’t from me, it was from God. When I heard the news, all I could think about was getting out of there as fast as I could and escaping town. I wanted to be alone, I wanted to give up. I saw everything that I had worked so hard for, all the people I loved, all the life I had left to live, vanish before me in a blink of an eye. And then my coach told me to go straight to her office the moment I left the doctor’s office. From there, I was transported straight to my counselor’s office. My roommate picked me up from there and took me to my favorite Thai restaurant for dinner. We returned to my apartment where my team was arriving right behind me. The guy I was seeing at the time spent the night. In a time when I wanted to be alone, God knew it was not what I needed. I woke up the next morning, after one of the worst days of my life, a little earlier than I usually do. I went to the bathroom and looked at myself in the mirror. I imagined myself bald, I imagined myself on crutches. I started to cry, and then I heard God tell me that I was beautiful and that I was going to make it. I was in total shock, and for the first time in my life, I surrendered to God. I let him have my fear, my worry, my stress. Everything, I let him have everything and let him use me and work through me. What a thought and idea, huh? To surrender yourself. I always considered myself someone who would never do such a thing, but in reality, my whole life I was surrendering myself to what the world wanted. I always found myself doing things that I would have never even imagined for my life. I always had this constant ringing in my head that would never go away. It would keep me up at night, and I had been an insomniac for as long as I could remember. Nothing brought me pure joy or fulfillment. No matter how many accomplishments I achieved or how much my family told me and showed me that they loved me, I felt closed off and alone all the time. I was always looking for the next temporary outlet of happiness and would do anything just to feel alive, even if it was just for a little while. At around March of 2023, a friend of mine gave me a book. By this point, I had already started to see the beautiful life that God had given me and how blessed I was to see it. The book was called ‘Forty-two’ by Steve Alessi. That book confirmed for me everything that I had been feeling and going through and that it very much came from God himself. It is a fantastic read, and I recommend it to everybody. Steve Alessi would soon become my new pastor as I started attending Metro Life Church in Miami. There, I found community and so many new relationships that I knew would last a lifetime. My family soon started attending as well. I will always remember the day I was diagnosed, for it was the day that God gave me strength when I was almost done. And the day after, for it was the day I chose not to surrender to the world but to God.