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In this portion of the poem I present the very last bit of significance towards others' feelings and opinions.

I was a terrible people pleaser.

Still am.

Was.

Am.

Wish I was.

No longer am.

I try to not be is the best way to put my current status. I realize it to be a problem, and when I acknowledge it, I shut it down very quickly or I just try to not put myself in the situation. Then there are other times when I don't even realize when I am in too deep, and it would have to take an explosion of bottled up emotions which translates to burning a bridge to stand up for myself. I like to present this topic in the first person and take more accountability for it because it is a very real struggle of mine, and all I can control is myself and what I can do to be better.

When I first realized that I had a serious people-pleasing problem, I did what anybody else would do to try to fix it: I did the opposite. So instead of pleasing them, I wanted to piss them off. Whatever anybody approved of for me, I wanted nothing to do with, and whatever I was told to stay away from, I wanted it to sweep me off my feet and escape into the sunset. I wanted to be rid of people entirely, and whenever any one of them thought they had me figured out, I wanted to switch it up just to sock it to them.

I was a real treat to be around.

Really I was.

I was just also a typical teenager going through typical teenager stuff. Looking back, I probably wouldn’t change a thing. Well, I mean obviously I would change a few things. But other than switching up a couple of the guys, friends, and coping mechanisms, I wouldn’t change a thing.

I almost felt like I needed to go through being the complete opposite of a people-pleaser and understand how to be a people- pissoffer to find a happy medium. Because quite honestly I don’t believe either one of them can make it out in this stone cold world.

I have previously presented fragments to my poem “Me> Them” where I have already stressed the idea of losing self-identity on the account of having to be anything for everyone. It’s depleting and something I still struggle to find balance with. Every day is a work in progress and the end of this fragment will then present the shift for the next week and taking back who you are. Filling up all the space that you require and more. Loving yourself with the love you thought only belonged to others.

So here it goes…

They-

are the ones who always had something to say

They approve of you only, and only,

if you do it Their way.

I felt so much For Them until I started to feel nothing

God, please tell me something better’s coming?

For weeks I prayed all day and all night

until there I was

in the midst of my greatest fight

realizing that-

The love I had for Them turned into

The love I now have for

Me.

Everyone’s “Them” looks different and act differently. But we all have got Them. Whether it be (ex)family, (ex)friends, (ex)co-workers, (ex)significant others, etc. Question I ask you this week is, what love do you give others, could you benefit from giving it right back to yourself?

Xoxo,

Kroddyrich💋

P.S.

So Sorry for this being a week and a day late, my job has been doing a number on me. But until next week:)