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I had the hardest time trying to come up with a way to present this fragment of the poem without making you scoot all the way back in your seat and widen your eyes until the point of popping out of your head. Then I remembered that this is what it is all about. Not making you uncomfortable but talking about those hard truths and being entirely transparent. I have never been one to beat around the bush or sugarcoat anything, so why start now, especially on here.

In reference to my sponge comment last week, I am incorporating the theme of this past Sunday service and using it to introduce the poem this week. The theme was guilt and shame, and why do we as humans naturally feel guilt and shame according to worldly views. Take the word “naked,” for instance. The preacher this past weekend said the word to a packed house and everyone, including myself, awkwardly deflected by looking away or laughing it off. He further went on into the service, and I then felt guilty for reacting the way that I did because the goal should be to be naked. To be naked with every single person you ever meet or have in your life. Most importantly to be naked with yourself.

We bring guilt and shame upon on ourselves when we believe we have done something wrong but wrong in whose book is the real question at hand. There will be many people in your life that will tell you- you can’t do this, can’t do that, can’t be this or that, can’t say this or that, can’t feel this or that. There will even be some – or maybe a majority now with the world we live in- that will not even tell you these things, they will just make you feel it. With the way they treat you and look at you. It will be written all over the face and without a word you feel the need to hide. To Blame. To cover-up. To make humor out of it. To get angry. To overcompensate yourself. To go numb. To fear.

This fragment of the poem is very raw and very real. I want you to keep in mind what it means to be naked when reading it.

So here it goes…

I should have been the one leaving.

But-

I blamed myself instead

kept falling in love with the idea

I built up of them in my head

I felt so much to the point

I- I don’t want to feel anymore.

I loved so hard for Those

who treated me, 

like I was a chore

like I was a bore

like I was a whore

like I always had to prove more

like They always had to keep score

like They have done better before!

When I presented this poem in my writing class (Yes, I said those exact words in class, and it was fabulous!) I got similar reactions to those of the church hearing the word “naked.” Then to my surprise, the feedback I received was that these were their favorite lines in the poem, and I told them they were mine too 😉 I surprised myself with how well the rhyme scheme worked with the exact message I wanted to get across. Usually, I don’t like how cheesy rhyme schemes are, but this one felt powerful, real, and one that I believed many others outside of myself can relate to.

We all have a past and people who have made us feel as though we are less than for the things we have done and try to let it define who we are today. Nobody should make us feel ashamed or guilty for who we were and who we are. Embracing your past and understanding that it is a part of you that helped shape who you are and who you were destined to be. So to that, I ask you three-part questions:

Kroddyrich💋