kroddyrich.com

Congratulations on making it through another Monday. I am going to reward you by introducing to you my very first poem. This is way out of my comfort zone, but you know what they say about the comfort zone. If you don’t look it up because I am too excited to explain and growing impatient for you all to get the first glimpse of Kroddyrich in her poet era. I have been really grinding on my writing game lately and been having a blast in my writing classes this semester. I am a very black and white person in my writing, kind of straight to the point. However, I very much live in the grey, and what I’m pushing myself to work on is translating life almost cinematically on paper. Make you feel it type pieces. Make you hear it, see it, live it. Putting you, the reader, in the driver seat with me with the windows down barely seeing the road, trying to pick every last piece of your hair off of your face, then realizing you are way over the speed limit lucky enough the cop you just passed by on the left hand side was watching the ravens fumble on the one-yard line on his computer. Fun stuff but anyways I gave my first assignment a little go and combined it with the topic I had saved up for you all. I had to write an ode (love poem) to myself about what I believe to be my favorite trait about myself.

So here it goes…

The art of nonchalant

I remember the time all the feelings were new,

I remember when all the feelings grew,

grew so much that I couldn’t see a way through

Feelings I couldn’t control

feelings I couldn’t put on hold,

consumed my entire being

influenced which way I was leaning,

put their wants and needs over mine

just to stop them from leaving-

I should have been the one leaving.

But, I blamed myself instead,

kept falling in love with the idea

I built up of them in my head,

I felt so much to the point

I didn’t want to feel anymore.

I loved so hard for people

who treated me, like I was a chore

like I was a bore

like I was a whore

like I always had to prove more

like they always had to keep score

like they have done better before

they they they, they….. They.

They are the ones who always had something to say

They approve of you only, and only, if you do it their way.

I felt so much For Them, until I started to feel nothing at all

For Them.

The love I had for Them turned into love the love I had

For Me.

-this is when I discovered who I was always destined to be

all the things I was destined to see

what it feels like to truly

Be Free.

Free from all guilt, worry, and shame,

Free from continuously choosing myself to blame.

The only thing I blame myself for

was not putting myself first sooner,

hiding the pain behind my fabulous sense of humor,

letting people think They know me based on some rumor

Giving them the reaction They wanted,

just to jeopardize my future.

I gave Them too much credit

that is just how I was raised,

loved Them so hard

that should have been love I saved.

But this is life at the end of the day

you live and you learn,

More importantly this is my life

and what I do is none, of your concern.

I am done apologizing

you had your turn

And now it is mine.

I don’t have to give you

all the love and attention I know now,

you never deserved.

The Love and Attention that can only now be earned.

My favorite part about me

is to be me.

and to be able to not allow everyone

to know me.

Being secure enough to know

not every action

needs a reaction,

not everyone’s wants

needs my response

This– this is the art

of finding the love within,

being comfortable in my own skin

and maybe, just maybe,

I’ll give Them a grin.