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I know I come on here and try to give advice that sets you apart as honorable and respectable women. For the most part I do practice what I preach on here. I am just still learning as I go. This post will cover the very first part into forgiving yourself which will be the topic for Monday. However, I believe us women specifically find it extremely hard to embrace this first step into forgiving ourselves. To be nicer to ourselves. To give ourselves grace for everything we have gone through. We all have a past, whether it be good or bad. Whether it be a time in your life you long to go back to or a time you are so glad to put behind you. Many will have a lot to say about who you were and who you are trying to become but only you know your truth and that is all that should matter. God is the only one who can judge you. Remember that always! You live for him, not anybody else. My faith for example is something my past could never even comprehend but the best part is that it doesn’t need to. It is the past for a reason it is meant to be put way behind where you are now. Some people will only see you for who you were but you know who you are and that is what we are going to dive into in this post. Not to mention it is also another one of my favorite Miley Cyrus songs.

So here it goes…

I don’t know if any of you have picked up on this but I am a big fan of Miley Cyrus. Love love love her. I think she does fabulous work and is extremely talented. As famous as she is and as someone not so famous at all I still felt like I could relate to her. Obviously, from afar I did technically grow up with her. I watched Hannah Montana growing up and all of her movies. I am pretty sure I even went to the theatre to watch one of her concert experience films. I did find her to be crazy through her 20s but I also knew that at that time especially in Hollywood who isn’t. Now to see her healing in her 30s and embracing her free rock and roll spirit and really just who she is. She is a totally badass in my opinion. I understood to an extent each stage and phase she went through because I saw them happen first hand in my own life.

Growing up, I had a pretty strict lifestyle that revolved around the sports I played. People knew me as an athlete and a very good one to come out of where I’m from. With that came great responsibility at such a young age, especially knowing it was also my only ticket to college. I dedicated my entire life to my goals and didn’t really leave any room to just be a kid. I didn’t do parties, proms, vacations, or any of that other stuff. I had a vision in my mind of what my life could potentially look like, and I wasn’t stopping until it was my reality. I strived for perfection in everything I did. I knew that it was an unattainable goal, but the goal was always to get pretty darn near it. The problem was that I was working according to other people’s definition of perfect not mine. To be quite honest I don’t even believe it exists.

I have been blessed with such great mentors in my life whom I highly respected, so I grew up with the mentality engraved to just do as I am told. I thought that was fine, and for a very long time, it worked. All the hours of my days were accounted for, and whatever time I had leftover was to work on my own. This is the time where I have talked about before that planning was huge, and as I got older, many things just didn’t go at all as I had planned for them to go. I would say once obstacles started appearing that seemed out of my control, that was the time when I started to rebel.

I started to think about how much life I had given up just for this one part of my life and what if it doesn’t even work out? My personal life was on the rocks, and I was in need of anything to escape. I was trying to figure out who I was aside from what everyone thought I was. I felt caged and restricted in so many parts of myself I had yet to even explore. I went to two different extremes. I went from a girl who was obedient, rule following, serious, insecure, and limited to a wild chick who was insane, free, relentless, casual, confident, and life of the party. That is all putting it in the nicest way possible as well.

I was tired of being told what to do, what to wear, how to talk, and how to act. I just said eff it all, I am going to do it my way. I did it myyyy wayyyyy. (If you’re not a Frank Sinatra fan we can’t be friends) Problem was though it wasn’t my way at all I was just doing the opposite of what I was doing and who I was before. Yes, all those things are who I am and who I knew I was all along. However, I just had a bit more fun with it. I mean it was definitely very effective in showing like that old boring chick is gone. However, it was absolutely nowhere near the person I was or who I wanted to be.

I don’t deny my rebellious stage because even after all of it, I know I at least had fun and it was a big part of my journey of self-discovery. I know that I used to be young just like many other girls at that age and was just trying to figure out who I was. I was crazy, messed up, dumb, and young, and I still am in all honesty. I am a work in progress, what can I say. MANY have told me that time has changed me, and to that I say Thank God, and I had a good run. I don’t regret a lot of my past and even laugh at the memories of some of the stupid stuff I did. I know you cannot go back in time and rewrite history, but I can choose to just see it for what it is and not let it define who I am. I can learn from all my experiences and in return be the person I have always wanted to be and destined to be.

And trust me if I can do it, so can you! As always God bless you all and have a fun, safe, and fabulous weekend my crazy young ladies!

Xoxo,

Kroddyrich💋