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What better way to work on this post than being stuck at the dealership while my car is getting a recall fixed. Let me just say this right now, I may have just found my new favorite spot. Free coffee, super nice people, comfy couches, and Mustangs all over the place. I had totally forgotten how ticked off I was that I needed to wake up early. Shoot, I’ll turn into an early bird if it means I could spend every morning there. Anyways, I am getting way off topic. Can you tell I really took advantage of that free coffee.

But anywaysss back to it!!!

I have been all over the place with what to write for you ladies this Friday. I wanted to do a dating one but it is just a bit trickier than I thought. Since I haven’t had a dating life in so so very long. You know it has been a while when your mom tells you to get on a dating app!

So instead of a dating post, we could talk about the times in our life when we are just meant to not be dating and just be single. I know we have gone over single ladies season, and that post covered basically a way to deal with being single. Just to try and pass the time in the most painless way possible. Hanging out with yourself and getting to know who that is. This post is meant for us to talk about just being single and why you shouldn’t be ashamed of it nor rush into a relationship just to be in one. I apologize again for my girlies who are not single. I really can’t talk about being in a relationship or being in love but this… This is my area of expertise.

So here it goes..

I have been single my entire life. I don’t ever really have a guy attached to my name, and the very few times I do, they don’t last. I have dated a bunch of course very casually, as I have mentioned before. It was all fun while it lasted, and for the most part, it was all to fill a void. I am so glad I never took any of them seriously though because the second I got diagnosed, they all fled. I mean honestly I never expected them to stay. They never knew me that well, and all the things they were attracted to me for were gone. I didn’t even like them all that much either to allow them to be with me in a very vulnerable state. Have I mentioned I am extremely blunt? Or out of pocket, I think people call it now.

When I got sick I pretty much accepted being single the rest of my life. If I believed I was hard to love before then I definitely just reached a level that is harder than hard. FYI- I googled it, that’s legit the level above hard. Once, I let it all go, though. The constant need and want of being with someone and getting their attention. The depression from no longer having the body and the looks that I believed made them stay. The fear of not being good enough. The second I let it all go the worst thing possible happened…The guy that I liked too much reached out to me.

I don’t know if this is a form of girl math or what but I am going to explain a bit how this works. So let’s say there is this guy right. I am attracted to him but that is about it. Or there is a bunch of chemistry but I am not attracted to him. That is the guy I will pursue. That is the guy I can be myself around and have them wrapped around my finger in seconds. I know that I can control my feelings with them being that they were never really there to begin with. Brutal? I know. You probably think I am the worst but don’t you worry there is a different guy that sends me my payback. That is the guy I am attracted to every square inch of. There’s chemistry, there’s compatibility, there’s attraction, oh boy is there attraction. That is the guy I will do nothing about. NADA. Not a darn thing. On the contrary to the other guy. I will push this one away. Far, far away. Try and forget they exist all together. Try and let the feelings fade because those feelings I know could be the ones that break me to my core.

I guess that is why people always say the relationships that really work and last are the ones that the guy feels more than the girl. I always hated that saying and just preferred being single, if it meant I had to settle to finally see the day I end up in a relationship.

So if there was anyone wondering as to what followed with the guy that reached out to me during treatment. The guy that I considered to be a MAN in a world fool of boys. I did what I always do to the guys I like too much. And that was that. There was a small period of time I gained the courage to break that cycle, but then ended up right back where I started. The problem with gaining the courage for a guy that means something to you is the pain of the disappointment from the expectations you built up.

Either way, the truth is I am just not ready to get myself back out there. Literally! I don’t even leave my apartment. And with all this snow coming in, I really don’t expect myself to leave anytime soon. I have conquered the state of being in my own world, and being so comfortable in my own world. So much so, I don’t really know how to fit into the real one anymore. I know all seasons pass, though, and I also know that this is my season of healing. Which is the most important one after going through what I went through these past few years. It is also one I have to do alone. These are things I accept and understand to be beyond my wants and fall in the category of what I need. And hey, if that makes me THE single girl, I will own it proudly. I sleep peacefully at night knowing I am not getting cheated on or with a guy I really do not feel anything for. I run on my own schedule, answer to no one. Start as many new hobbies as I could find time for. I watch whatever show at any pace I want. I focus all my attention on my goals and dreams.

All of this is not to say that you don’t take notice of all your friends and peers in happy relationships and getting engaged and married and so fourth. But to take notice that your time will come but for now it is just not your season. And it is okay to be the single girl.

God bless you all and have a fun, safe, and fabulous weekend my single ladies!

Xoxo,

Kroddyrich 💋