kroddyrich.com

My mind is currently all over the place and I am finding it pretty difficult to put words together, especially when I try to make my page positive and empowering. Which I actually just realized is hilarious because I am like the least positive person I know. I am not a negative person either; I just consider myself a realist with a fabulous sense of humor. I can control my emotions for the most part, and when I can’t, I shut down. So, currently, I just feel off and don’t want to do anything or go anywhere. Which I could probably also blame Michigan weather for that. But I still promise to deliver this Friday night, and so that is what I’m going to do. I know I try to make Fridays less serious and more peppy, but I just told you that’s not exactly who I am, and I know us ladies feel everything deeply, good or bad. So I apologize in advance if this gets a little heavy.

So here it goes…

It has been an emotional rollercoaster of a week, to say the very least. Well, you know what? I will elaborate a little bit more on that because if there is anything I hope you appreciate from me, it’s my transparency. Life is fucking hard. And I am working on cutting out the cursing, but there is no better way to put it, really. You could be on top of the world one day and then have it come crashing down the very next. At times, I truly believe it is unfair, and the only thing that keeps me going is the ounce of hope and faith that it all has to be for a greater purpose. Needless to say, it still fucking hurts.

It hurts and just when you think it is getting better, you get another curveball thrown your way that literally takes the air out of your lungs. You feel your chest tighten up, get a little light-headed, your vision blurs up, and all of a sudden, you forget how to breathe. Some people call this a panic attack. I call them a royal pain in the ass. Sometimes it is just a natural reaction to something that brings you trauma; other times, it’s totally uncalled for and can be totally avoided if some doctor’s main goal wasn’t to scare the shit out of you. Like I said, I had a heck of a week, and by now you should know I use humor to cope.

So I will admit to you that I was very much hurting this week. And that is totally okay. It is a part of life. You will have hard days, and the hard day I had this week, in particular, scared me nearly in the same way as the day I got told my diagnosis. However, here is the growth and the major difference in my reaction from a year ago and from two days ago. I let it hurt, and then I let it go. I reached out to my counselor and went straight to his office following a doctor’s appointment that didn’t go exactly as planned. Everything is good, and I am absolutely okay, thank God. There was just a bit of a hiccup, I guess I will call it. Usually, even just a hiccup would send me to a dark place, and I would camp out there until the feeling just passes. I knew it was unhealthy, but I never wanted to express that hurt and pain. I was never really comfortable with letting people comfort me or help me. Part of me is still not entirely comfortable with it, but I understand that it is healthier for me than just burying and bottling that hurt up.

So now I let it hurt and I let my mind go to where it usually fears to even wander. I let myself talk about it and really cry out all the tears and pain. I mope and drag the entire day and by the end of it, I am ready to let it go and move on with my life.

Always remember- Life is tough, but you are tougher, bitch! I also mean that in the most heartfelt way possible. The ladies in my immediate family actually only refer to each other as bitches. Some call that dysfunctional; we call that love. Anyways, no matter what you’ve got going on that is causing you pain, from the slightest to the most excruciating, you have to address it in order to move on from it. If that pain is from love, feel that heartbreak, but then be appreciative of how blessed you were to have been able to feel so deeply. If that pain is from somebody who did you wrong, feel that pain and anger, but then forgive and forget not for the other person’s sake, but for your own.

The reality of it all is that yes, life is tough, but it is also short. Too short to be spending it depressed and mentally at war. Give yourself the courage to let that pain you feel deeply hurt, and build up the strength to let it go.

As always God bless you all, have a fun-filled fabulous weekend!

xoxo,

Kroddyrich💋