kroddyrich.com

Have I mentioned to you all how much I absolutely love my blog? I love it, and I will tell you why. I push myself to be vulnerable and to be vulnerable with you all. I am not perfect, far from it. I am healing and will probably be healing for quite a bit, but you all allow me to help heal you as well, and I cannot begin to express what that means to me.

I do hope this blog continues to grow to be able to touch more lives and in hopes of healing all, because it truly is a beautiful thing WE are doing here. Big emphasis on the WE because this blog really is bigger than just me. I started this blog because I know I am not alone. Everyone has their dark days. The battles they are fighting, which some may be public, while others nobody may even have the slightest clue about.

Everyone has things that keep them up at night. Everyone has made mistakes and has trouble learning from them. Everyone feels weak and vulnerable at one point in their life. I know this and say this because nobody is perfect, and that is a fact. So, yes, I made my blog for myself and for you all. And yes, I talk about deep, hard, and real topics because that is just how life is, and we all know that, whether you figured that out already or still have yet to.

Being vulnerable in this life is what makes you human, and it is what draws you to me and me to all of you. This will probably be the hardest topic of all to write and to grasp, but it is also the most powerful, which I encourage you all to read in its entirety.

So here it goes…

You may find this hard to believe, but I struggle greatly with being vulnerable. I have gotten better, obviously, but being vulnerable is not something that comes naturally to me. Usually, this is why it takes me time to finally talk about some things and push off topics and at the last minute switch it up. I feel things deeply, and the deeper I feel, the deeper that wound is going to be. Which is why I also keep a guard up most of the time, and I find it hard to let people in.

It was much easier for me to not have to be vulnerable when I wasn’t physically vulnerable. So I guess you could say my recent push in the last year to becoming more vulnerable was involuntary, but either way here we are. I had a tendency to push people away instead of asking for help, a shoulder to cry on, a hug, or a prayer. Again, I say these things and go in depth because I know you understand what I am talking about. Because you have been there too.

Everything is great when things seem to be going your way. When a relationship is brand new and you are enjoying that honeymoon phase. When you are sitting at the dinner table sharing laughs with your family. When you are making all your payments on time and have more money to plan a vacation or go on a shopping spree. When you are in good health and could go on a walk and workout. When you have so much food in the fridge that you can’t make a decision of what to make. When you are passing all of your classes and on top of all your homework. When you are a star and everyone is cheering your name and posting you on billboards, social media, restaurants, and television.

And then one day…poof. Life happens.

You experience break-ups and heartbreak. Your family gets divorced or they grow up or they pass. The economy crashes, so the money is tight, and you find yourself having to take out a loan. You get diagnosed with an illness or you get injured. Groceries get expensive, and you find yourself making eggs for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. You get a life-changing surgery while going to college, so you fall behind on your studies and can’t seem to bring yourself to make it to all of your classes… But even after all that, guess what? You are still a star in my eyes, and I am still here and will always be here cheering your name. Because through it all, you are here today and you are doing your very best with what you are given, and I am so dang proud of you.

This week I have my repeat scans to remain in remission and I would be lying if I told you I wasn’t worried or afraid. That is just a wound I don’t want to even fathom reopening, especially while I am still trying to heal it. That’s with even knowing and believing I got God in my corner. I get afraid talking about it because in some way that will make the fear real. There is no hiding it though, that is how life works. Being vulnerable, you see, is about speaking about those wounds that were cut deep. And this idea may seem crazy, but also thanking them because they brought you closer to God and to one another.

Today is also the anniversary of the passing of a dear friend of mine. He was a huge loss for myself and so many others. This is another wound that I still can’t even put words together that would even make sense with how I feel. All I could tell you is that my heart aches at the thought that it has already been a year. He was the greatest man and human being I’d ever met. And to know him was truly to love him. As well as for his strong, beautiful, and luminous younger sister, for she is actually the reason I started this blog.

Being vulnerable isn't easy, but it is what makes us human. We can't go through life on our own, and we know that. It is okay to express that and heal others while healing yourself too.

God bless you all and express your love a little extra this week:))